Miscarriage In Pregnancy

I’ve been thinking a lot about the son I lost to miscarriage before we had our daughter… Writing is how I process things and I came across this old article I had wrote shortly after we lost our son… I don’t know if anyone can relate to it but I know sometimes just knowing that other people understands helps and figured my miscarriages have been weighing heavily on my mind, maybe it has others so I figured I’d share.
I am a mother without a child. Without two children to be exact. My life is otherwise perfect. My husband is amazing, I have a career I enjoy, and a family that is extremely close. Just no children, only a rosebush and tree planted in their memory and a box of photos of my son whose cries I never heard and eyes I never got to see look back at me with life. It is a pain that is impossible to describe but I will try because quite frankly since I lost my children I have come across only two types of reactions in people: quiet genuine camaraderie from the women who have also suffered miscarriages and uneasy apologies from those who have never known this kind of loss or how someone who never lived outside my womb could have such an impact on my life.

We don’t talk about it, us Childless-Mothers. We don’t talk about the time spent in the labor unit listening to the luckier women giving birth to screaming children and knowing ours will never make a sound. That was the worst for me. I was farther along in my pregnancy so they had to induce my labor which took a grueling 4 days to complete. Those 4 days were torture, from my open hospital room door I saw happy people walking around with balloons and car seats. I didn’t want to be jealous of those luckier women but I was, a day that was surely the happiest in their lives was my most devastating.
We don’t talk about the pain that comes from taking down the nursery and boxing up all the toys we lovingly envisioned our children playing with. We don’t talk about how painful it is when we go to the grocery store and have to walk past the baby food aisle. We don’t talk about waking up in the middle of the night and just feeling empty. We don’t talk about feeling like failures for not having a successful pregnancy. We don’t talk about the urge to vomit we have when we see the words “spontaneous abortion” written on the medical charts. We don’t talk about the guilt, the nagging what-ifs, the how could I not have known something was wrong with my child? We don’t talk about any of it.

To read more about the ordeal of the woman above. check the source below .
Source : Check it here
Image Source :  Konstantinos Koukopoulos