We all know how sweet as parents to be with our kids. But sometimes , occasions arise such that parent have to separate for some reasons such that kids will miss either the Dad or Mom. Missing either one of the parents by any kid is unpleasant. How will a kid feel missing his Dad in particular ? The article below spells out series of the effects it has on a child and suggestions as to what to do to avoid the situation.
Every year when I post in honor of Father’s Day, I hear from mothers who are raising children without fathers. Whether by choice or by fate, these moms are working hard to give their children everything they need, but there is one thing they aren’t giving them: a father. Understandably, they bristle when I say that fathers are important.
So if my Father’s Day post touched a nerve with you, this post is for you.
There is no denying that fathers ARE important, in the same way every parent is important. If that parent is loving, supportive, and positively engaged with the child, the effect will have positive ripples for the rest of that child’s life. If that parent is harsh, the ripples will be negative. If that parent leaves the child, whether by choice or by fate, there will be a loss that will stay with the child forever. Can a child overcome the loss of a parent? Of course, with enough love and support from the remaining parent (or parent figure.) But as with all loss, the child is changed forever, and the emotional work is very real. Bottom line: Kids can survive anything, and heal, if they have another parent there to help them process their emotions.
If you’re a mom raising kids without a Dad, you’ll want to know that:
1. What children need to thrive is unconditional love. Regulating your own emotions, accepting your child’s emotions, renouncing punishment in favor of empathic limit-setting, seeing things from your child’s perspective, keeping your own cup full so you can remain generous with your child — all of this is more important than whether your child has one or two parents.
2. Negative presence is worse than no presence. When a father or stepfather treats a child in a harsh or critical way, it is worse for the child than if that parental figure leaves, as long as the remaining parent is loving. The child may grieve the loss of the parent, but that grief can heal with enough support from the remaining parent, whereas the constant negativity is permanently disabling to the child.